2025-12-14
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I have more details to share regarding the time the police took me to CAMH after it appeared that my computer was hacked. First, I would like to recount the experience again but with the focus on aspects of the experience which I did not mention in the previous description. Then I will share some photo evidence.
Hack Memories
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The most significant user interface that appeared to be manipulated on my computer was the YouTube user interface. Over a period of multiple days, I started noticing that the YouTube video suggestion algorithm was suggesting videos that seemed like they were intentionally chosen by someone to communicate messages to me. It often seemed like the thumbnail of the video was the most important part of understanding the message, rather than watching the video itself. The thumbnail very often contained text. It also often seemed like the videos were chosen in response to things that I was saying out loud in my apartment. Sometimes the text in the thumbnail would start with words that seemed like they were designed to be responses to questions, starting with words like "yes" or "no".
The YouTube user interface, however, was not the only place where I was suspicious of the behaviour of a computer. At times, it kind of seemed like the Google News app might have been suggesting news articles with headlines that were chosen to communicate messages to me, though this was a much more vague feeling than the YouTube video suggestions.
There were also times when it kind of seemed like my friends and family might be able to observe what I was doing on my laptop and on my phone. At one point I was doing something on my laptop, and I received a message in a group chat on my phone that seemed like it might be a specific reference to the thing I had just done on my laptop. I started to wonder if there was some way that people could see my screen due to a camera hidden in my apartment somewhere. I remember one time I brought my laptop into my bedroom and used it under a blanket in order to hide it from any cameras, and just after I did that, I suddenly received a lot of messages from friends and family at the same time, sending messages saying they were concerned. It seemed like they were coordinating in another chat. The timing of the messages just after I hid the screen freaked me out, even though it could have just been by chance.
The YouTube suggested videos, however, were by far the most significant interface that seemed to be communicating intentionally with me. The messages from the YouTube suggested videos were so alarming to me that eventually I became so concerned that I ended up leaving my apartment and knocking on the door of one of my neighbours, and trying to explain to them what was happening. It was obviously difficult to explain. Eventually either the neighbour called the police, or one of the building employees called the police, I cannot recall.
The Police
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When the police arrived, there were two officers, and I explained the situation to them. They listened, however they seemed skeptical. At the time they arrived, I had my laptop positioned on top of something in the entrance of the doorway to the apartment. The officer looked into my apartment, and could see that the apartment itself was messy, with a lot of stuff scattered around on the floor. I believe he made a comment about this. At some point during our conversation, the tone of the officers changed, and it started to seem like they were arguing with me, rather than listening to me describe the computer hack. Eventually, they told me that based on observing the situation that they felt I was acting in a way that required that I be brought to CAMH. I cannot remember what his reasoning was exactly, but he told me that I had no choice but to go.
I found this very alarming, because I did not trust them, and I was worried about leaving my computers alone where someone could tamper with them. I told the officer that I wanted to take my laptop with me. I got my backpack, and I put my laptop in it, along with a few other important objects. I then went with the officers to their police car.
The Car Ride
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During the car ride to CAMH, I spoke with the officers. At this point I was no longer trying to convince them that my computer was hacked, and instead I was trying to socialize with them and be friendly in the hope that it would cause them to treat me fairly. I talked a bit about YouTube videos in general, and I mentioned that I had watched one on game theory. By chance, one of the officers seemed to understand the topic of the video very well, to the point where I had a feeling like he might have actually seen the exact same YouTube video. It was a little bit unnerving, because it made me concerned that perhaps the officer actually had been surveilling me and knew what videos I had been watching on YouTube.
Waiting at CAMH
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When we arrived at CAMH, I was first brought to a room where they asked me to remove my backpack, which they took from me and opened. They removed my laptop from the backpack as part of their inspection. They took my laptop and backpack to another room, while the police officers brought me to a waiting area. I sat and chatted with the officers for hours in the waiting area, before I was actually able to see a doctor.
A few things happened during the conversation with the officers that I remember. To me, it was never totally clear if we were having a friendly conversation or if they disliked me and were trying to intimidate me. At one point, one of the officers described his cottage, which sounded like a really nice place. At a another point, the other officer randomly brought up a story about how someone had fallen from their balcony when the police were there to arrest them, and that the police were being investigated about it. I wondered if maybe the officers were part of a criminal gang, and that maybe they were intentionally trying to tell me that they were part of a gang. Maybe the cottage was a reference to a financial reward that the officer had received as part of the gang. Maybe the officers were trying to tell me that I had a choice, between doing something they wanted me to do and being rewarded, or doing something they did not want, and being punished. Unfortunately, it was not clear what it was that they wanted me to do or not do.
During the time that I waited with the officers, I could see and hear that there was someone in one of the rooms connected to the waiting area that was obviously in distress. They were shouting loudly at the doctors, and did not appear to want to be there. They made a lot of noise, over a long period. I wondered if it was being staged for my benefit, to scare me.
Later, I was offered food. Unfortunately, the food options did not seem very appealing, and in particular, they offered me a sandwich with mayonnaise. This may seem like a small thing, but I strongly dislike mayo, and the fact that I strongly dislike mayo is something that a lot of people know about me, especially my family and friends. The feeling I had was like I was being threatened with being committed to a mental institution against my will and being forced to eat food that I did not like, if I did not do what they wanted. Unfortunately, I still did not know what it was that they wanted me to do.
Eventually, the police officers told me that my dad was going to fly to Toronto from Newfoundland. I did not know why this was going to happen, as I was not consulted before it was planned. The officers made a comment that sounded to me like they might be implying that my dad was going to explain how the criminal gang worked that they and my dad seemed like they might be part of. Unfortunately, I cannot recall how they phrased the comment exactly. Some time after this, the officers left. As they were leaving, I remember they told me that there was a police station near me, and that they were "always there if I needed them". I was not sure what he meant by this. It seemed like maybe people were trying to force me to join a secret criminal gang of some kind, and so maybe they thought I would need the police as part of being in the gang. After this, I was finally able to speak with doctor.
The Doctor
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When the doctor came, he asked me some general questions about how I felt. By this time, I fully believed that I had been taken to CAMH in order to be threatened, and I had started to think it might somehow be related to my job. I suspected maybe the doctor was testing me, to see if I was going to say anything bad about the people at work if I was asked. I started to describe some of the reasons I was stressed about work, and I watched how the doctor responded to see if it seemed like he was reacting to anything I was saying. He barely exposed any emotion and just took notes as I was talking. The experience made me very uncomfortable, so I ended up barely saying anything. I did not bother trying to describe the computer hack to the doctor.
Allowed to Leave
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After this, I finally met my dad. I was given my laptop back, and I was allowed to leave. If my dad was part of some criminal gang with the police and was now expected to explain the rules of the criminal gang to me so that I could avoid being punished in the future, he did not do so.
Work Issues
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At the time of these events, I had recently started working for Groq, which is a company that has a number of senior employees that previously worked for Google, including the CEO. I was considering this when I was thinking about the fact that it seemed like I was being communicated with through YouTube. It made me suspect that perhaps whoever was controlling my YouTube account might be someone that was socially connected to me through work. I already had issues trusting coworkers after my name was secretly removed from a paper that was written for a work project at my previous job. I started to become concerned that there might be a group of people associated with work that did not like me, which might have a lot of power if they were able to control YouTube.
If there was a group targeting me, I was very afraid of what they might do next. One of the things that I was afraid of was that they might try to implicate me in a crime even though I was innocent. If I was being threatened by people associated with work, maybe they were trying to get rid of me in a way that would make it unlikely that I would go and work for a competitor.
I actually sent multiple emails in November 2021 resigning from my job effective immediately, with no notice, and then cancelling it. I kept being worried that they were going to claim that I did something illegal while at work. By resigning effective immediately, I was hoping to quit before they had a chance to do that. However, I ended up deciding not to resign right away, and instead I stayed until February 2022, so that I would have worked there for at least a year. I was trying to change jobs in a professional way. I found another job at RapidSilicon pretty quickly that seemed like it was a good fit, and so I figured I should just try to move on and stop thinking about it. Unfortunately, I later had other issues at RapidSilicon.
Photos
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During this time period, I ended up with a bunch of stuff written on paper that I wanted to keep in order to prove that these things happened. I put everything together into a folder. I have included photos of some of the key things that are in the folder.
The Folder
I kept a lot of files from this time period and put them in a folder. For this journal entry I have only included photographs of some of the files. I may include additional photographs in later journal entries.
Thank You Card
The perceived computer hack experience occurred sometime around November, so it took place just before the Christmas holiday. Around that time the building employees put a note under the door of every unit in the building asking for donations to a holiday fund for the employees. Since the computer hack experience and ensuing CAMH visit left me not trusting very many people, I felt like I wanted to try to be on good terms with as many people as possible. I wanted the building employees to think of me positively, so I donated to the fund. I was given a thank you card in return for donating to the fund.
Unfortunately, I have been having some interactions with the building employees lately that suggest that they do not think positively of me, so it does not appear to have worked, at least not yet. I still plan to try to convince them to change their mind.
COVID Mask and Wrist Band
At the time of these events, most people were still very concerned about COVID and were wearing masks. The fear of getting COVID was an additional anxiety that made the experience more scary.
CAMH Information Sheet (first copy)
I was given this information sheet when I arrived at CAMH after the officers brought me there.
YouTube Video Thumbnails
I was concerned that records stored inside a computer might be something that could disappear if I wanted evidence to show other people. Therefore, I printed off a list of some of the YouTube videos from my YouTube history to make sure I would have something to show people. These videos in this list are not the only videos that seemed strange, they are just representative examples. There were other videos I saw that are not included. In particular, there were cases where a video appeared in a list of suggestions and so I saw the thumbnail, however I chose not to watch the video, and so it would not have shown up in my history. The videos from my history are the ones where I watched at least a small portion of the video.
Many of these videos have a religious theme and make religious claims about God. I am not religious. I have thought about idea that we might be living inside a computer simulation, which is kind of like a religious belief. However, I definitely consider myself someone who makes decisions based on facts and things that can be measured or reasoned about, rather than based on religious faith.
If somebody asks me, I usually refer to myself as agnostic. The way I think about it, it is only possible for a conciousness to have information that it receives from external senses, like sight and sound and touch. Therefore, our understanding about what exists in the world can only come from looking for patterns in data we receive from our senses. If you have a theory that a God exists, then it is possible to look for patterns that support that theory. However, one key problem with that kind of theory is that it is difficult to use a theory like that to make useful predictions. If you have a theory that the physics of our reality follows a pattern dictated by a mathematical formula, on the other hand, then you can use that to make predictions and build useful machines. As a result, I find myself not thinking about whether or not there is a God very often.
In terms of the organized religions, as far as I can observe they do not seem fundamentally any different to me than any other large hierarchical social group in terms of having any kind of special access to our reality or access to a God. Personally I often associate organized religion with people who use manipulative tactics and have hidden motives. At least with a profit-driven corporation or a government, it is easier to understand the goal they claim to be trying to accomplish, though admittedly they can use manipulative tactics and have hidden motives as well.
When you are reading these video thumbnails, you will see that many reference God. The way I was interpreting these messages was that I suspected that the people who were communicating with me by hacking my computer were using the word God to refer to themselves and their group. It seemed like it might be a reference to the level of control they were claiming to have over computer systems.
Even if I was wrong about someone intentionally causing these videos to be shown to me personally, the videos themselves do look like they were designed to appear like God is communicating to the YouTube user.
If you read them the way I was interpreting them, where God is the name of a criminal group controlling YouTube in order to communicate with me, the messages in the thumbnails seem very threatening. One of the thumbnails references that "miracles were planned for me", which kind of sounds like it could be referring to a reward for working with the criminal group.
Lots of videos saying that God is angry. The thumbnails definitely seem like they were intended by the creator of the videos to appear threatening.
For these thumbnails, in cases where a "Spirit Guide" or "Your Angels" or "Your Guardian Angel" are referenced, my interpretation was that these could be phrases that the criminal group controlling YouTube might be using to refer to themselves.
For example, in the thumbnail saying "A Special Message From Your Guardian Angel", it seemed like "Guardian Angel" might be the name of the computer hacker that was controlling the computer, and they were trying to send me a message.
The thumbnail saying "1 hour from Now..." was especially jarring. I recall this video thumbnail causing me to wonder if someone might actually show up at my apartment an hour later.
The thumbnail saying "A special message from Your Spirit Guide to Accept New Challenges" seemed like it might be a way that the criminal gang controlling my computer was telling me that they wanted me to do something for them.
The thumbnail saying "A Special Message From Your Spirit Guide To Keep Your Next Move Secret" seemed like it might be a way that the criminal gang controlling my computer was telling me that they wanted me to keep whatever I did for them secret.
The thumbnail saying "I Have Sended This Message To You Not By Accidently!!" reinforced the feeling that these messages seemed like they were being sent by someone to me personally, on purpose.
The thumbnail saying "A Serious Warning From Your Angels" seemed threatening to me at the time. This seemed like it might be a threat of some kind if I did not do what the criminal group wanted me to do.
Some of the thumbnails seem like they might be referring to finding a girlfriend, for example the one saying "I am going to connect you with your other half". I am single and have been looking for a girlfriend for a long time, and there are a lot of people who know this about me. So when I saw thumbnails that seemed like they might refer to finding a girlfriend, it seemed like someone might be controlling my computer who knew about my personal situation. I remember I started to wonder if maybe there might be some kind of criminal gang that required each person to be in a relationship with someone else in the gang, in order to better keep the secrets of the gang. Maybe the gang was offering to provide me with a girlfriend as a reward for joining, while also threatening me with punishment if I did not keep their secrets.
Here, the title "A Special Message From Your Ancestors" made me think the people who were controlling YouTube might have been trying to refer to themselves as "Your Ancestors".
In these examples, you can see that I started seeing YouTube videos that were using the numbers "1" and "2" in unusual ways. I remember wondering what these numbers could represent. This appears to be a non-mathematical use of numbers, where they are being used more like words. Thinking about this, as well as trying to find explanations for some other things that have happened to me, led me to start wondering if there might be a subconscious language that is only understood in one brain hemisphere. Maybe when I look at these numbers, I think they are meaningless in one of my brain hemispheres, but in the other hemisphere they have a meaning that my brain is aware of.
Here you can see that I watched part of a video on game theory. I am not sure if this is the same one that it seemed like the police officer might have watched that I referred to before.
The thumbnail saying "This is a Clear Sign," is another example of a thumbnail that seemed to be trying to reinforce that the thumbnails I had been seeing were intended to be interpreted as messages being sent to me specifically.
One of the thumbnails says "YOU ARE NOT SEEING THIS BY MISTAKE". Whoever made the video very clearly wanted it to be the case that whoever saw the thumbnail thought that the fact that they saw the thumbnail at all was a message.
One of the thumbnails says "THE TIME HAS COME TO MEET YOUR MISSION". This was another reference that seemed like it was telling me that the criminal gang wanted me to do something specific for them.
One of the thumbnails says "Say this Right Now !!" and another says "Universe will answer your question". These kinds of messages made me suspect that whoever was controlling my computer could also hear my microphone, which made it seem possible that other thumbnails might sometimes be appearing in response to things I was saying out loud.
To Do List
COVID Test Result
This COVID test result is from when I was visiting Newfoundland for Christmas. I added this to the folder because it was something that was happening around the same time as other strange things that seemed to be happening.
The fact that I had background anxiety about catching or transmitting COVID at the same time as I was worried about my computer being hacked made everything a little bit scarier I think.
Dream Descriptions
After the events that led me to being brought to CAMH, one of the things that people tried to convince me of was that I was having psychological problems as a consequence of consuming marijuana. I did not agree with their interpretation. However, I decided to take a break anyway in order to satisfy them. I stopped consuming marijuana for a few weeks when I was in Newfoundland for Christmas.
One thing that happens if you consume marijuana regularly for a long time and then you stop is that you start having dreams that are a lot more intense and memorable. I noticed this was happening, and I decided to try to record my dreams. I left a notepad and pen next to the bed so that if I had a dream, I could record it onto paper the moment I woke up. I was often trying to write the dream down quickly before I forgot details, so the handwriting is a bit messy at times.
The fact that I was thinking about dreams is something else that eventually led to me thinking more about the possibility of a subconscious language. If the brain hemispheres are able to have different knowledge about the world as a consequence of the subconscious language, maybe dreams are a way of transmitting knowledge between brain hemispheres.
It is interesting, because the fact that I wrote this memory down right away makes it easier to visually remember this dream. Even now, after a lot of time has passed, I can picture the dream and I can remember aspects of it that are not written on the paper. I remember walking around inside the house, and I can visually imagine the part of the house that is connected to the pool. I remember walking around the edge of the pool and being afraid of the chemicals. There was not very much room between the edge of the pool and a fence that went around the yard. This forced me to walk close to the edge of the pool, which was why I had to get uncomfortably close to the chemicals.
I think I remember the dream where I was stocking up on beer. It was at an LCBO in a mall. There were a lot of people stocking up. A lot of people seemed to be shopping anxiously, so they were not very friendly. I remember that there was someone in the store with me that I knew. I talked to them and had some kind of strong disagreement with them about something, and then they left. After that I left the store by myself.
Police Badge Number (first copy)
I cannot remember why I wrote down these particular police-related numbers. I wish I wrote down the reason next to the numbers. I do not remember writing down a badge number for the police officers that took me to CAMH after it appeared my computer was hacked, though it is possible that I did and forgot. It might have been from when I later called them on the phone and obtained the police reference number, which I also have a photo of.
I have decided to cover up the actual numbers themselves, since the badge number seems like it would be for a specific police officer. I forget why I have the number, so it might be a random innocent police officer.
Ontario Licence Renewal
I am not sure exactly why I included the driver's licence renewal letter in the folder. I might have just stuck it into the folder because I received it around that time. The letter makes a lot of references to COVID, so it is useful for understanding how things felt around that time as a consequence of COVID restrictions and concerns about masks.
Speeding Ticket
The speeding ticket is something I got in September 2021, so it would have been before the incident with the YouTube videos and the visit to CAMH with the police. I was given this ticket on the way back to Toronto after going on a camping trip. There have only been two times that I have ever been pulled over by a police officer for any reason, this occasion in 2021, and also once before when I still lived in Newfoundland and the police pulled me over for speeding. For the case in Newfoundland, after the officer spoke to me he decided not to give me a ticket.
For this ticket, it appears my offense was driving at 95 km/h in a 70 km/h zone. If I remember correctly, I think I was driving on a part of the road that was not far from where it connects to a highway where the speed limit is 100 km/h. Rules are rules, I suppose. It makes me look forward to having a self driving car someday, assuming one exists at some point that I would trust enough to use.
Paper Maps
I started to realize that I was very reliant on technology for a lot of basic important things, like knowing how to get to any location that I did not have memorized. In particular, I realized that my phone could be used to track my location, and so if I was trying to escape some sort of criminal gang that had access to my cellphone location, then I was probably going to need to be able to get around with my phone turned off. I printed off a bunch of maps from Google Maps just in case I needed them. More recently, I have now purchased real, full-sized road maps.
Paper Bank Records
I also decided to print off a lot of information about my bank accounts on paper. I felt that having the information on paper was the best way to be completely sure that the information could not be easily deleted. I have just included this one photo as an example, there are many other pages that I printed.
CAMH Information Sheet (second copy)
I actually visited CAMH a second time, voluntarily. I went to get a note in order to take time off of work. I obtained this second copy of the CAMH information sheet the second time I went.
Police Badge Number (second copy)
At one point I went through a round of printing off important photos and information on my computer, and I ended up printing off a photo of the note I had made with these police numbers from before. Now I have a photo of the photo of the note.
Police Reference Number
Unlike the note with a police badge number, for this note I actually do remember writing it down. Some time after the computer hack and CAMH incident, I tried calling them back myself and discussing the issue straightforwardly as a computer hack without being emotional. They listened to what I had to say and then gave me this number. I did not hear back from them after that.
Work Stuff
This was a card that came with a gift that Groq sent me at one point while I was working there. I think if all jobs are automated in the future due to AI, we still need to find a way for there to be corporations that want to hire you for something and send you stuff like this. This is a well done gift card. My name is printed on it in a nice font.
I included this in the folder because part of what made the apparent YouTube hacking experience scary for me was that I thought it might have something to do with work, since from what I understand Groq was started by former Google employees, and Google owns YouTube.
This is the email I sent after I resigned and changed my mind multiple times, and then decided to stay, at least in the short term while I decided what I should do next. It was a very stressful time. I was dealing with this reality I was living in where I suspected that I had been explicitly threatened over YouTube with nobody believing me, while also trying not to harm my reputation or my career if I was incorrect.
I ended up staying for a year and then changing jobs. On the Internet, it is widely claimed that staying a least a year at a job is a good idea, and I also wanted to be able to exercise my stock options and buy shares in the company. By buying shares, this meant that if I left the company and the others I knew at the company ended up making a lot of money from their stock options, the pain of missing out would not be as strong, because I would have made some money as well. So I am actually now a shareholder in Groq. Technically, in a limited way, my former coworkers indirectly work for me. I do not regret buying the shares.
Last Update: 2025-12-15